Psalm 139 - The Sacred Womb
/Truth and Grace in the Abortion Debate
I wrote a blog in response to the movie release of “Unplanned” in the summer of 2019. (Click here to read and review the resources provided.) Little did I know back then that in 3 years, the Abortion debate would be on the table with greater strides and facing even more division across the US and other nations like never before. My aim was to be honest with sharing my. heart and experience on the topic in respects to the controversial movie at the time and provide resources to people who are on both sides of the debate.
In my blog I even shared a 50 minute video sharing heart to heart of my own experience with this issue where grace and truth collided in my own life and I was eluding to my stance of “Pro-life” but softened it with the notion that it’s complicated.
Since that blogpost, I have lived more life, dug deeper into this issue, namely with reading the book “Love Thy Body” by Nancy R. Pearcey as recommended by a previous pastor. As such, saying the issue of abortion is complicated is a major understatement. Witnessing what I am seeing now, is minimizing it’s impact on people. I am still pro life- but I also have greater empathy for those on both sides struggling with their quest for justice, bodily autonomy, equality, truth and justice for all. Some key take aways that has helped me understand the great divide is unpacking the two story narrative where gnostic dualism philosophies have permeated many peoples understanding of life, the body and sexuality. Although she tackles many issues in our day (which I am not at liberty to address as I don’t have personal experience with the other issues she talks about in her book. But what she says of abortion: “Abortion supporters say the fetus is not a person, though it is biologically human. Does this mean equality for women or does it threaten the intrinsic value of all humans?”
Image downloaded from the website “Meet Baby Olivia” . I am including this link to emphasize the miraculous journey “From a single-celled human to a baby with a beating heart, brainwaves, fingers, and toes, Olivia shows the remarkable beauty of a unique life within the womb.”
The Sacred Womb
I believe humanity is created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27). At hostile junctions in time like today, it’s healthy for us to reflect that we began this life- forming, feeling, sensing, growing in the miraculous womb of a woman. This to me confirms the basis for true equality. Yet, the abortion debate stirs up passion on both sides of the fence, and as witnessed protests in 2019 with the release of the movie Unplanned (The thrust behind my blogpost in July that year), or the protests happening right now as result of overturning the 1972 Roe Vs Wade decision in the US placing the decision back to the states, I wanted to share a verse that his meaningful to me as to Gods care and concern for us all. Having that decision overturned on Friday, June 24th 2022 in the USA has created much discord, grief AND celebration. If we don’t see the womb as sacred, we will struggle now and into the future if anything can be sacred anymore.
I don’t know about you, but let me tell you a bit of my own journey with grief, celebration in regards to my own womb:
My sacred womb has experienced grief.
This sacred place I no longer have because of a hysterectomy I had a few years back. Call me weird, or overtly sentimental, but I did grieve in many respects in the loss of my uterus. In many respects, God’s spirit has been speaking to me much about the depths of meaning of the human womb in the natural and supernatural meaning of the womb in the Biblical sense. I am currently writing on this topic as it has been quite the journey to restoration in coming to terms with both truth and grace of my experiences in life thus far.
Body memory is real
There has been a grieving of the loss of my womb, but I also want to share of another type of grieving. Even though I experienced supernatural healing for my spirit and soul in 1996 of the painful memory of having an abortion, I also experienced a delayed grieving in my body in 2012 while having an oblation operation. My womb actually went into shock after that simple procedure to lessen the impact of heavy periods as later that day I was rushed to the hospital with massive cramping- it was if I was going into labour. I have since discerned with God and other health professionals that I believe the womb was remembering the trauma of the abortion I had in my teen years. The “scraping” of my uterus brought back that memory and my body was remembering that invasive time. More research has been done about body memory- books like “the Body Keeps the Score” eludes to this fact.
My sacred womb has experienced celebration
At the same time, there has been a celebration of the life I have been graced with birthing 3 of our 4 daughters as my womb carried our daughters in 1993, 1995 and 1997. Jaclyn, Jessica and Justine, now 25, 27 and 29. I too honour the womb of Tim’s ex wife who carried my step daughter Amanda, born in 1985 and I have the joy of being her second mom when I married her dad Tim in 1990.
Life of a blended family is more normalized, and yet it has come with it’s challenges for sure. For that, I empathize with young families trying to figure this new normal out.
Entering marriage with various sexual experiences (be it positive or negative) dealing with the memory of past partners, let alone the temptations of today to keep ourselves sexually pure and devoted to our spouse is likewise a challenge given the pervasive messages in culture. I too empathize with couples today desiring to remain faithful to one another and walking with integrity and wholeness, no matter what we brought into the marriage or stumbled across amidst it- there is grace and truth to be found by us all. Tim and I have walked this out together and without the love of Jesus and the truth of His word, I wonder where we would be, I aghast to think of a life without our marriage anchored in the truth of God’s love for us both.
Psalm 139- A Reminder of God Design and Care for Us
Regardless where you are at on this journey of faith, your relationship status or current stance on the topic of life and sexuality, I invite you to meditate on Psalm 139 and consider making it your personal prayer.
“O Lord, You have looked through me and have known me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You understand my thoughts from far away. You look over my path and my lying down. You know all my ways very well. Even before I speak a word, O Lord, You know it all. You have closed me in from behind and in front. And You have laid Your hand upon me. All You know is too great for me. It is too much for me to understand.”
Dear God, ….
(Here is where you can make it person, be honest- ask the Lord of the Universe to truly speak to you as you acknowledge He knows absolutely everything about you and is aware of all that is going on in the world: Good, evil, and otherwise.)
“ For You made the parts inside me. You put me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to You, for the greatness of the way I was made brings fear. Your works are great and my soul knows it very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret and put together with care in the deep part of the earth. Your eyes saw me before I was put together. And all the days of my life were written in Your book before any of them came to be. Your thoughts are of great worth to me, O God. How many there are! If I could number them, there would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.”
Dear God…
(I encourage you to visualize what that was like- YOU- being in your mothers womb. What is God saying to you, what is the Spirit of the Living God speaking to you… If you have faced any trauma that is not healed be it this issue or other issues, believe in Faith that God desires to speak to you and heal that trauma. Sometimes, it takes going back “to the womb” and resting in the truth of who God is and who you are. There are ministries and prophetic ministers who are skilled at helping bringing people back to that place of trauma and inviting God to speak hope, life, faith, peace to that situation. I have experienced this in various forms- reach out to me if you would like to be pointed in the direction of these resources.)
“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I run away from where You are? If I go up to heaven, You are there! If I make my bed in the place of the dead, You are there! If I take the wings of the morning or live in the farthest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me and Your right hand will hold me. If I say, “For sure the darkness will cover me and the light around me will be night,” even the darkness is not dark to You. And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are the same to You.”
Dear God,….
(praying for God to give you wisdom, discernment and insight according to His plans and purposes as to what is a heart or sin issue of yours, what are areas of unforgiveness of others who have hurt you or what is a spiritual issue of the unseen realm that is affecting your journey and relationship with God. Be real- be honest.)
“If only You would kill the sinful, O God, and the men of blood would go away from me! For they speak against You in sin. Those who hate You use Your name in a wrong way. Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord? And do I not hate those who rise up against You? I hate them with the strongest hate. They have become men who hate me.”
Dear God, …
(Ask God to teach you about who your REAL enemy is. Satan, demons and all who despise God and His ways. Trust God to take vengeance- trust Him to enact Justice, even if it isn’t enacted in the here and now. In regards to people- in the new testament, Jesus teaches us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. This psalm was written prior to Christ walking the earth.)
“Look through me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. See if there is any sinful way in me and lead me in the way that lasts forever.”
Dear God, …
(This is where it gets super personal. We are asking God to truly bring anything to the surface of our soul that needs to be addressed. God allows testing, the enemy of our soul tempts us. the Holy Spirit convicts, the evil one condemns. Trust God to lead you today and always as His love, His truth, His grace is what your soul craves to address any issue in life.)
P.S.
To read the blog I wrote in July 2019 which includes my 50 minute talk on the deck on this issue, my takeaway from the Unplanned Movie and a part of my story, click here: https://www.jodikozan.com/blog/silent-no-more-the-unplanned-debate
I’m still processing much from what I am reading in the “Love Thy Body” book and continue to grow in my learning and healing journey on this issue and am open to growing in understanding, empathy and compassion other issues. If my post here or the 2019 post has raised some questions, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for either support in prayer, recommended resources or otherwise.
If you have read both articles, listened to my video message in the previous blog in 2019 and still want to pick a heated argument with me- I will not go there, sorry. My time is too precious to be taken up by senseless arguments. I won’t tolerate abusive language but welcome respectful dialogue.
